Where did they go wrong?
by dragongirrl93
Summary: Another 47 Second Tag. Slightly AU in that The Limey never happened.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Castle. What else do you want me to say?

What was left to say? Of the multitude of never ending questions that Castle wanted answered, this was the major one. Even now, more then a week after the horrific reveal those six words were still spinning round in his brain, "_I remember every second of it._" Castle raised the glass to his lips letting loose a grimace as the cheap scotch burned it's way down his throat. He'd already gone through a bottle of the good stuff and he was sick of wasting quality goods on Detective Katherine Beckett. He had enough. He would be her partner in terms of solving crimes and bringing her the final closure needed for her mother's case, but the line ends there. Casting his eyes over his office he noticed the time. 2 o'clock in the morning. He told himself that tonight would be the last time that he even bothered with letting his love for Beckett to overcome him like this. Normally he would spend 5 days out of the week at the precinct but ever since he heard her accidental confession he had spent the past week 'writing' to allow him time to recover.

Castle stood up, making his way to the smart board that was still predominantly displayed and swiped his finger over the face of Kate Beckett. All the information that he had gathered over the past 10 months sprung forth. Scrubbing his hand over his face, he moved the file to the Nikki Heat section. He then opened his Nikki Heat file and proceeded to delete it. He was well aware that what he was doing was petty and pointless as he had more than a few back ups for his smart board in case of an accident but really it made him feel a little better about his situation. A shrill buzzing emitted from his phone extra loud in the quiet. Striding over to the phone he glanced at the screen. Of course it was Beckett, the one person he really wanted to avoid at this point and time. A week was no where near enough to stop him from feeling broken, no matter what he had told his mother. Picking up the phone he paused and slid the answer bar over to half way before he silenced the phone and went off to bed, already not looking forward to the nasty hangover that was bound to occur.

Laying in bed he stared at the ceiling willing his brain to stop moving. Usually having a mind that was constantly ticking over was a boon as a writer but then again during times of crisis it became more of a curse. What was wrong with him? Why did he always fall for the wrong woman? First Kyra, who moved to the other side of the world to get some space from him, then Meredith, who served him divorce papers the moment that he found out that she was cheating on him, but not before. Then there was Gina, in the beginning yeah there was feelings but really the whole marriage was more like a business arrangement, Alexis got a proper mother and Black Pawn gained a load more publicity. At least that was the idea, in real life nothing ever goes as planned. That last thought really brought him full circle, right round to the last woman that he would ever let into his heart. Clearly, with the exceptions of his mother and his daughter, there was no more point reaching out and handing his heart out to anyone. Instead of a fair exchange, he just got it thrown back at him, a little more damaged and broken every time.

A meaningless string of groupies was clearly much better for his health. At least his liver would thank him. Trying to breath through the crushing pain, Castle rolled over on his side and closed his eyes tightly resolving that this would be the very last time Beckett would affect him in this way. When he had been getting coffee yesterday, a blonde had slipped him her number. Maybe it was time to try dating again. Even if it was blatantly obvious that the blonde wasn't all that interested in 'dating' but hey he had to start somewhere. It had been over six months since he had even looked twice at anyone.

A ray of sunlight, peeked through the window shade, aimed directly at Castle's face was the first thing that woke him the next morning. The second thing was the rich, and strong smell of coffee drifting through the house. The constant ache in his head was the only remaining sign that he had been drinking the night away. Well that and the smell. Deciding that coffee could wait while he freshened up, he headed for the shower.

Stumbling out of his room Castle was greeted with the back of his daughter's head as she moved round the kitchen preparing something. Standing there rubbing his temple, Castle contemplated the only real true accomplishment that he had made. "Coffee's on the table and two tablets of Aspirin." Blinking he practically ran towards the lifesaving fluid and took a too big mouthful, burning his mouth in the process. Great, he thought, as if a broken heart and a pounding headache wasn't enough, now he had to add a burned mouth to the mixture. A soft clink alerted him to the glass of water his fantastic offspring had deposited in front of him.

Just the simple act of swallowing the Aspirin made the pounding in his head reduce the pounding slightly. Raising his head he stared at Alexis. On her face was an almost indecipherable expression- a mixture of pity, disgust and something else he couldn't quite name. Regardless of what else was going on, he really only needed a hug from his daughter before everything just went to shit. Moving round to the other side of the counter he engulfed Alexis in a embrace. Placing the side of his face on the top of her head, he mumbled, "I love you, Pumpkin." He heard Alexis give a small sigh and then melt further into his body. "Love you too daddy." Alexis hadn't used the term daddy in a few years but clearly he had fallen this far that she felt that she had to regress, not for herself but rather for his sake. Placing a kiss on the top of her head he released her.


	2. Chapter 2

Alexis glanced at the clock. Her father had been asleep for the past day. Half way through the day she had been in his office looking for a pen when she had noticed that his phone had 10 missed calls. Scrolling through she realised that they were all from Beckett. Realising that something had really gone wrong she asked Grams if she knew what was going on. Rather than answering her in a straightforward manner, she instead got a convoluted response. Pulling out her phone she typed in a quick text message to Beckett letting her know that her father was fine he was writing and didn't realise that his phone was on silent. Even if she didn't have the full story she knew that her father wouldn't appreciate her telling Detective Beckett about his drinking binge.

Luckily for the both of them, it was a weekend and as a result, one of the conditions of her working with Lanie is that the weekends were still hers to call her own. At the same time she had been waiting for her father to wake up since Saturday. Normally it wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that it was a Sunday. She had to admit that she thought that she wouldn't have to see her father like this again. At least not since Beckett had come back into his life. She realised that her father was really upset about something, something that most likely had something to do with Detective Beckett.

Part of the reason why she was so angry with her father when he went back to the Precinct was the fact that she had never really seen her father get that down. Or at least if he did he always waited till she wasn't anywhere near him. Ever since she was a very little girl her father had always been there for her. It didn't matter what she wanted, he would always be there joining in. Like all those time she'd wanted a tea party. Pictures of that very scene were scatted through the numerous photo books of her and her father. In every one he was beaming at her. Regardless of the ridicule he received from his peers her father was her world. At least he was till he met Beckett.

It wasn't really that she was jealous of the attention that he gave her. Well perhaps a little, but really what bothered her was the apparent pattern both her father and Detective Beckett followed. Her father would follow Beckett round basically looking for scraps of affection. While she was pretty sure that Beckett had rather strong feeling for her father, there was still no definite answer to that question. Even if her father insisted that just being around Beckett was more than enough for him, Alexis wasn't sure if it was still enough. Her Grams had dropped enough hints to say perhaps her father realised it was time to cut his losses.

She was beginning to become really worried about her father. She thought he would have been up by now. He had slept yesterday away, clearly there was only one thing to do. Starting up the coffee machine she wrinkled her nose already not looking forward to the smell that she knew would begin to infuse the air. Sure enough soon she heard the sounds of her father in the shower. Realising that he most probably had a rather bad headache she went to get some Aspirin. Placing the coffee mug and pills in front of her father she just looked at her father as he began to choke on the coffee. Shaking her head she grabbed a glass of water and placed it in front of him wordlessly.

Looking at her father struggling the thoughts in her head began to swirl round. She was really disappointed that her father had resorted to alcohol again. She thought that he was over it from this summer. All she could hope for is that her father found his equilibrium and quickly. If this was how complicated love get, she was really glad that breaking up with Ashley was as harsh as it got for herself.

Lost in her thoughts she was caught off guard when her father got up and wrapped her in a hug just like he used to when she was younger. She inhaled the scent of her father who smelled faintly of paper and ink, which was surprising considering that most of his work was now done electronically, and his cologne. Relaxing into his hold she was brought from her thoughts by her father when he mumbled, "I love you, Pumpkin." Something in his tone of voice made her feel like she was five years old again safe and warm in her father's arms. "Love you too, Daddy." She wasn't consciously aware of what she'd really said till a little later, but the hold on her tighten slightly. Then she felt her father brush a kiss on the top of her head and then he released her.

Realising that this was much worse then she had previously thought she opened her mouth, "Daddy, what's wrong?" Even though she was practically a grown woman she felt like they both needed her to be five years old and all ills could be healed with a kiss. She glanced up into her father's eyes only to flinch when she realised that this was so much more than she thought it was. His eyes weren't the usual clear blue, but rather what looked like the tempest before the storm. In fact they actually looked more grey than blue at that instant.

"I guess I realised how futile it was for me to think that I needed anyone but you in my life. Oh and Grams but really I could do with out her." Lack of hope infused every word, and even the small grimace he sent her, in place of his usual smile, when he tried to insert some humour into his voice startled her. Clearly the bomb had uncovered a little more than a reporter looking for her next big break.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Castle had found out the truth of Beckett's deception. It had also been a week since he decided to move on. Smirking wryly he realised the futility. It wasn't like he didn't try it was more like the harder he tried the less likely it was that he could move on. He went to call the blonde from the coffee shop but he didn't know her name and well he wasn't really in the mood to try and find it out. That night he went down to the Old Haunt to toast to the pointlessness of his love life. It was there that he met Amanda. Amanda was upfront, blunt and a really good listener. Amanda also reminded him of his daughter. Bright, confident and slightly vulnerable. At 25 she had a PhD in Psychology and someone who had absolutely no investment in his life.

He had been sitting at one of the side booths staring into his glass when a young brunette sat down right next to him and placed a bottle of Vodka on the table. Slightly surprised he turned to ask her what she was doing only to be halted by a hand in his face. "Look, I don't know you and you don't know me but I am going to drink a lot tonight and I'd rather not drink by myself at the bar because then I'll be hit on by drunk idiots. And this is the only side booth that is only occupied by one person. Either way at the moment if I stay then at least this isn't as sad as both of us drinking by ourselves. My name, if you really need it, is Amanda Cartwright."

Pausing in her rant only to knock back a shot of Vodka she sighed and practically deflated in front of him. Castle chucked, "Richard Castle." Hearing the small intake of breath he continued. "Yeah, the writer." She quirked her head. "Don't worry I know the feeling. What kind of a gentleman would I be if I left you to drink on your own. By the way what makes you think that I won't try to hit on you myself?" He looked up at her only to be pierced by her stare. Her dark brown eyes just looked at him making him feel as if she was reading his very soul. "Because you just went through a really bad breakup or something along those line, and at the moment you barely have enough energy to function let alone hit on anyone at the moment."

Blinking at her he frowned. "That obvious." A wry chuckle surprised him. "No, not really. It's just that I just went through the same thing and also it's my job to read people." Castle looked down and took another swig of his scotch. "Well actually we were never dating it just felt like we were." Shaking his head he continued in a bitter voice. "Yeah clearly there is something wrong with me. All the relationships I've ever been involved with have failed miserably." Amanda took another swig. "In the interest of full discloser I just want you to know that I am a psychologist and anything you say to me could be re-analysed assuming that I even remember tonight, tomorrow."

Castle lifted his glass. "Amen to that. Well at least someone is being honest with me." He spat the world still feeling the sting. "Hmmm, would you like to tell me your problems? I find sometimes it is easier to tell a complete stranger rather than someone you are closer with. For example, in the interest of full discloser, I just broke up with my girlfriend of the past six years. My only relationships to date." Other than a raised eyebrow, Castle didn't have the effort to react to that statement the same way he would have even a week ago.

Bracing himself, he began to speak. "I have never been lucky in love. My first real girlfriend moved to the other side of the world to get away from me. My first wife cheated on me and served me divorce papers on my daughter's fourth birthday. My second wife treated our entire relationship as a business agreement. Oh I have no doubt that she had feelings for me, but those feeling were always over shadowed by her need to move higher. After being burned so many times, is it not understandable that I would be cautious with my heart. I kept to women with no substance and one night stands. Then I met Detective Beckett." Here he indicated to the bar man with 2 fingers.

"You have to understand me when I say Beckett was an enigma. Not just because she refused to sleep with me but also because someone of her calibre was never meant to be where she was. Don't get me wrong. She is a fantastic Detective. Let me try to find the words to explain 4 years of partnership. She moved from someone who drew my fascination, and dare I say it, my lust, to what I had hoped would be the last and final owner of my heart." Pausing in his story only to thank the barman as he placed two beers and two glasses of water on the table, he sighed and continued.

"I met Detective Beckett fresh of killing my main best selling character, Derrick Storm. I was disillusioned and began to find that what had once given me joy had become a chore of the highest order. Three people had been found dead. They had been killed the same way I had described in some of my earlier novels. Obviously I was their number one suspect. When it was discovered that there was no way that I could have committed the murders, I immediately volunteered my services. Looking back it is obvious that half of my diligence was on who had killed these people but the other half was on Detective Beckett. She was intriguing. Beautiful, smart, and very savvy. She could have been a model, or a lawyer. Not at all who you would expect to be a police officer. We solved the case, and later that night when I went home I was inspired, inspired in a way that I hadn't been in months. Deciding that I needed inspiration for my new character I was soon shadowing Detective Beckett. That's not to say that we didn't have our rough patches. She was infuriated and at first she regarded me as little more than a nuisance. But I like to think that while we endured our fair share of troubles she came to regard me as a friend. I know that she became my best friend. We endured bombs, tigers, nearly drowning and her being shot in the chest. And I guess that brings us to the reason why I am sitting here steadily getting drunker and drunker. I told her that I loved her and she turned around and lied to my face. She didn't even have the decency to tell me that she didn't share the same feeling for me. Instead she told a criminal the truth. If I hadn't been in the observation room I never would have ..."

It was there he broke off too caught up in his memories. A single tear rolled down his face before he closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head to remove any last shred of tears. Amanda placed her hand over his. "I sympathise with you. My girlfriend was my world for the past six years. I came home last night after buying the ring I once hoped to present to her and found her in bed with, not even another woman, but rather a man. I don't know what was worse. The fact that she cheated on me or the fact that she was my first in everything. If she wasn't happy with me why didn't she break up with me. That pain would have been less than the current pain I'm feeling. Now not only did she break my heart she also practically kicked me out of my house. I can't go back to there with the memories that I have."

Resting her head on the head board she turned to Castle. "I'm not drunk enough to be this open. I'm not like this normally, please forgive me. Heh, you have to admit it does feel a little better now that you have gotten it out." Castle smirked wryly. "Don't worry about it as long as you forgive me for doing the same. I've never really told somebody what really happened and while I don't feel completely cured I do feel slightly better about it. So where are you living at the moment?"

Amanda pulled out her wallet. "I haven't slept since then. I went to my office and worked on some case files. I'll probably go back there and sleep on the floor." Castle's eyes widened. "Then I must insist, that in payment, for having to listen to me that you come and stay in my spare bedroom till you get back on your feet." Normally he would steer far away from inviting random people, who he doesn't know all that well, back to his house, but something about Amanda was different. There was something that he wasn't too sure about between them.

"I couldn't impose on you like that. We barely know each other. What proof do you have that I am not a murderer?" Smiling, Castle leaned forward as if telling her a great secret. "Same proof that you have."


End file.
